God I hate reading the submissions pages of magazines. “Calling all writers with a creative edge,” as though creativity is a bloody sword dripping somewhere in your closet, but cooler, hipper, with twice the depth and colour!

“We want something different from the mainstream!”  These guidelines weren’t written by a writer, they were written by a politician! ‘We must dodge any statements that give concrete information, or the public will think we aren’t edgy and subversive!’  To me it reads: We are special, you can be almost as special as us, but only if you conform to our standards of creative edginess (and only if your brand of creative edge is recognised by Ourstream). I slump, knowing I’ll never master the flippant and yet oh-so-deeply caring tone of the other writers in these magazines.

I’d try and start my own publication, but I wouldn’t get past editing the submissions page.